Rapture Redux

To commemorate (or celebrate?) Jerry Falwell's death, how about Shep's 10/2005 post?

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Rapture Away!


Her Hotness, Delia Gallagher, appeared on the Situation Room because apparently, Wolf needed help in asking the Rev. Jerry Falwell some questions. The whole setup was kinda bizarre - Wolf in DC, Delia presumably in NYC, and Falwell in his cave - at least it was in accordance with the show's picture in picture in picture in picture decor. The topic: END OF DAYS!!! Really. I'm not joking.

First of all, hats off to Delia for not laughing, or even giving the slightest appearance of wanting to laugh - she was serious throughout the segment. (Now we know why The Shepherd can never be on TV - my question, before I start laughing, would have been, "Rev. Falwell, which one, in your sage opinion, is gayer, Tinky Winky, or SpongeBob SquarePants?")

Apparently, the hurricanes and earthquakes and floods and tsunamis all portent that the end of the world is near. Now, I would not pretend to even know the least about what the scriptures say on this subject: I gave up trying to 2nd guess God and His/Her ghostwriters a long time ago.

Maybe it is human nature to want to know how the story is going to end, how this world ceases to be. I'd say we're doing a great job on our own, destroying our world and each other - the hurricanes and earthquakes? Probably just earth's ways of fighting us back. Seriously, we are probably the dumbest animal in this kingdom. Because we are the only ones who consciously do things that we know destroy our planet: we drive big SUVs and we keep building malls and housing developments where we shouldn't and we leave a lot of garbage and we dump our toxic wastes into the ocean and we kill each other out of hate...

And yet some believe that when the end comes, they'd all be beamed up into the heavens, leaving their SUVs and Toll Brothers' homes and messianic ministries behind... Falwell was certain: "Again, it's been 2,000 years. That is -- that is as a grain of sand on a seashore in God's eternal plan. And so it may not be in my lifetime, my children, my grandchildren's. But I am living and expecting that he could come. And I'm 72, that I could go up in the rapture and not death. And I think that's the way God wants all us who take the bible seriously to live and believe. "

So, rapture away, oh righteous ones! Maybe when all of you have ascended into wherever you're going, we could finally clean up the mess you'd be leaving behind and start our own version of Heaven here on Earth.

So, Rest in Peace, Jerry. Sorry you didn't get raptured, but may you rock away in a Tinky Winky costume for the next 5 million years! Say hi to Shep from all of us - although I highly doubt you'd have the same accomodations as my buddy.