The Casbah Scrolls

PHILADELPHIA, PA (DGAS) - It was announced this week that the 1,700 year-old manuscript, known as the "Gospel of Judas", has been translated. The coptic scroll, discovered in the 1970s in Egypt, was believed to be a copy of the original Greek document.

With the debate surrounding the Judas Gospel and the more famous Dead Sea Scrolls, interest in the little-known Casbah Scrolls, discovered in 1983, seems to have faded. The DGAS however, has obtained exclusive access to the leather-bound manuscripts found hidden in kegs in what was believed to be an ancient pub or nightclub in the bedouin desert. With painstaking effort and our expertise in ancient Greek and Coptic, we were able to ascertain some of the information in the aforementioned scrolls. Aside from the Gnostic Gospels of Thomas, Mary Magdalene, and Philip, the Casbah discovery revealed the existence of many more gospels - some of which are the following:

Gospel of Samantha: Written by Sam, the Samarian woman at the well who gave drinks to Jesus
Gospel of Jack and Diane: By 2 Canaan kids from the Heartland; claimed Jesus was the best winemaker this side of the Nile who saved their wedding from a "dry" disaster
Gospel of Dickus Cheyneyas: One of the pharisees who paid Judas 30 pieces of silver for the betrayal of Jesus; he offered 25 more as a bonus if Judas could link Jesus to WMDs
Gospel of Kyranea Phillipus: Written by a Jewish prophetess present at the crucifixion of Jesus, who compared the event to that of future-day Tiananmen Square (Sorry, KP)
Gospel of Simon Cowellia of Idolia: Written by the lesser known cousin of Simon of Cyrenea; it caustically judged the Latin Idols of 4 AD
Gospel of Pontius Georgius Bushius: Attributed to the successor of Pilate; BLANK PAGES only (but lots of heina drawings)
Gospel of Scooter: Still in the process of being leaked

We at the DGAS are still trying to examine the voluminous materials without offending the Shareef who don't like rockin' the Casbah.


Keywords: Delia Gallagher