State of Disunion

The Delia Gallagher Admiration Society has obtained excerpts from GWB's next State of the Union speech:

On August the 29th, enemies of freedom committed once again an act of war against our country. Americans have known the casualties of hurricanes -- but not at the center of a great city on a peaceful day. Americans have known surprise attacks -- but never before on thousands of civilians with a 3-day warning from all weather professionals. All of this was brought upon us over the course of the last week -- and night fell on a different world, a world where freedom itself is under attack.

Americans have many questions tonight. Americans are asking: Who attacked our country? The evidence we have gathered all points to a collection of loosely affiliated hurricanes headed by Katrina. Tonight, the United States of America makes the following demands on Mexico: Deliver to United States authorities Katrina and all other hurricanes that come from your gulf. Give the United States full access to hurricane training camps, so we can make sure they are no longer operating. These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. (Applause card.) The Mexicans must act, and act immediately. They will hand over the hurricanes, or they will share in their fate.

Our war on hurricanes begins with Katrina, but it does not end there. It will not end until every hurricane has been found, stopped and defeated. Americans are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right here in this chamber -- a democratically elected government. Their leaders are spun from the gulf. They hate our freedoms -- our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other. These hurricanes kill not merely to end lives, but to disrupt and end a way of life. With every atrocity, they hope that America grows fearful, retreating from the world and forsaking our friends. They stand against us, because we stand in their way.

I will not forget this wound to our country or those who inflicted it. I will not yield; I will not rest; I will not relent in waging this struggle for freedom and security for the American people. The course of this conflict is not known, yet its outcome is certain. Freedom and fear, justice and cruelty, have always been at war, and we know that God is not neutral between them. (Applause card.) Fellow citizens, we'll meet violent hurricanes with patient justice -- assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories to come. In all that lies before us, may God grant us wisdom, and may He watch over the United States of America.

Tonight, I declare war on all hurricanes. You will be defeated, and we will prevail.

Thank you. (Applause card.)

(Delia doesn't seem very impressed with the speech either!)